It’s hard to explain the pain and agony I feel on a daily basis. I have grown very good at putting on a show. I smile, laugh, joke and always look happy. It’s really hard to control the anger that rages inside me. I got into this job to help people and realize that we don’t help each other.
My triggers are child abuse. They are the toughest calls for most medics but they hit home with me. I was a victim of abuse growing up. I would get in the way of my drunk stepfather to keep him from hurting my sisters. At the age of 10 I put him the the hospital instead of the other way around and we never looked back. I had a hard time trusting anyone until I was in the Marines. It made me have to trust the guys next to me for my safety and theirs.
I struggle with depression and PTSD. However who can you talk to in our job as first responders. We are the ones that are supposed to provide support for everyone else. The best advice I was ever given was by a true friend. Sometimes you just have to let go. Find someone you can talk to that will just listen. I always remember there are people that need my help just like I need theirs. We have to help save each other. It is with true love and compassion the we are able to do this job. Why don’t we start using those same things on each other.
– Texas Paramedic, 10 years in EMS.