Back in 2002 I had admitted myself into an MHU, at a local hospital in NYS. I was in an abusive relationship, I’ve had been abused throughout childhood, and tried every which way to keep my head on straight. Ive always sought for approval from my biological family, friends etc. I never knew who I was as an individual. I was diagnosed with Thalassemia when I was 7, & battled with weight throughout life. I came out of the closet at the age of 25, & for religious reasons friends and foster family dropped me like the plague.
Regaining a connection with my biological parents was also reopening wounds, but I felt I needed to. In and out of relationships with alcoholics, those who took my money, pushed me around etc… I finally was ready to give up. Then I was told I had stage 1 breast cancer, thankfully without extreme treatment or medications I was given a clean slate. So I fought harder and stronger, became a massage therapist, and then an EMT in 2010. Crazy that my biological parents and family had been involved as FF & EMTS since before I was born in 1975.
I have been on and off anti-anxiety meds for as long as I can remember. I started Paramedic school in 2010 and knowing the other attempts at college I had a problem with ADHD. So as I was already seeing a neurologist for ADHD, in the fall of 2011 I had fallen out of an attic/off the pull down steps. In short I had sustained a TBI. Per my neurologist I also have PTSD. So no more school, 3m out of work, and had to stay in an unhealthy environment. I continue to see my neurologist & realized I can only do what is within my power, but must seek honorable, safe support systems by those I surround myself with.
I can’t always be the hero, but I can always use my life as a way to be a better or different hero when the time comes. I still cry quietly, and when there is a “bad” call I hope for the best of the pt and pray that whatever strength they can possibly get from the situation they take and build the strongest foundation they can, to re build. It’s a daily struggle, and as we all know financially it’s one of the hardest careers to be in and still make ends meet without burning out from needing to work 3 jobs.
– Anonymous EMT, 4 years in EMS.