Having any type of mental health illness in EMS is difficult. I would guess it would be the same in any healthcare profession but that I don’t really know. Its more than just getting help, you have to battle the stigma attached. EMS is the only thing that keeps me going, I feel like it brings me joy helping others when I cant help myself. It gives me a sense of being, a reason to live until I have something else to live for. I guess I have reasons not to die but I have few reasons to live. EMS is my reason right now.
Like I said earlier, I may not be able to help myself but I can help others.
I am afraid to get help because what if they take that away from me? Thinking about death and dying and self harm yes lead to self harm and suicide but at the present time I am not suicidal. Getting help is difficult. The thought of what we were taught in school “always treat suicidal patients as homicidal patients”. It’s not true for me. I want help, I will muster up the strength and get help because I know enough but the fear is still there.
What if they take my reasons to live away from me? It is like getting punished for getting help. I know why numerous first responders commit suicide now. Its the feeling and the thought and the fear that “they” will take away what you love and what you were meant to do. I refuse to be a statistic so I will get help, its just easier said than done….