I am 30 and yet I feel so much older. This EMS life has aged me quicker then I could have ever imagined. I started as an EMT when I was 18. I was a volunteer firefighter on and off. I find riding the squad more exciting.
My first job was a transport company. A year into it, the company started transporting for our coroner’s office. That’s when I started to see death and a lot of it. I moved on after 5 years and got a job in the ER at a local children’s hospital. My dream. Who would have thought I would have seen so much death when it came to kids? Gun shots, accidental overdoses and SIDS babies.
My heart broke so many times. I moved on again from that and moved back into transport with a 911 company. I swore that this would be an easier life. So I thought. The stress of the death and destruction that we face in EMS made two of my people take their lives. A friend that was like family and then one of my own family members.
I hit rock bottom. Thought about taking my own life before something stopped me. I’m thankful that I’m still here. Know that you’re not weak. You’re not the only one feeling like this. Seek help. Your life is worth it. I only wish that something would have stopped my people.
I hope that if you’re reading this and having a hard time, that you know you are worth it. Take yourself or call the closest partner/friend you have and get help. Call your crisis line. Do something to save your mental health. YOUR LIFE IS WORTH IT.
– Story written by an anonymous 30 year old first responder, 12 years on the job.